Exactly what I am learning. To let go of the fact that McKenzie's dad Tearell will never realize how much I love him, never realize how much he hurt me and that in order for me to be happy, I will have to let go. I think that is also part of my sadness. Saturday when he came I realized how much I missed him, and was surprised when he asked for a hug but I know it is all a game. I just hope out of everything he is there for McKenzie.
I do wonder though how will he be there for her when she is born and he couldn't even do it now. I feel so just alone with this. I wish I had someone to text me and say, I love you baby and I can't wait to meet our daughter, or say I am looking at a house or an apartment for all three of us, or to even ask will you marry me. Too bad those are all dreams that will never come true for me. I hope one day I will be able to enjoy pregnancy with someone who is in love with me and who will not walk out on me. Someone who will be there at night to rub my achey back and to just be patient with me and let me know I am the only woman he has a heart for and eyes. Most of all I want it for my daughter. I want her to be with someone who will stick by her side and not leave her.
It might not have happen for me but I do want it to happen for her.
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