So I am a single mom now. I guess some people probably saw it coming but me I saw it coming a long time ago. I had fallen out of love with him after wards but tried to keep the love alive because as soon as the second line came across the stick, I started thinking not for myself but for my unborn child. The father on the other hand only thinks of his personal satisfaction. I wanted something totally different for my daughter. Something that I did not have and that is being raised in a two family home. I was raised by my mom. My father was in the Navy and away a lot and he missed a lot of the things I wished he could have been there for. He will tell you in a heartbeat that he did and he also apologized for it. I know my baby girl will go through the same thing but I am ready for it. I will be able to relate to her a lot. My mother was raised in a two family home. She understands but she can not really relate. : )
McKenzie's dad well we had our issues from the beginning. He would always be trying to talk to others girls on My space or I would see texts from this and that girl and he would swear it was nothing. Even after I got pregnant he still would not do right by me. I will admit I do have trust issues but come on what woman will put up with texting different women and sending them pictures of you and the woman sending naked, lingerie pictures? Don't get me wrong we had our good times too, hey we have McKenzie on the way but I knew we would not go far. I don't think he ever loved me enough. His own brother told me that McKenzie's dad would break my heart and he did exactly that.
February we broke up. I could not deal with the whole texting thing it was too much. Next thing you know we were talking again and also having sex and just trying to get our crap together. He was taking me to doctor appointments, out to eat, shopping we were doing great. I was trying to help him find a job. I even agreed to help him with his writing so he could get his GED. Than kaboom last Friday I see him with a girl driving his van and texted him asking who was she and the girl texts back and says she is his girl and that he was not entitled to me anymore and some other crap. My heart literally dropped. Here we were well I was trying to get things together so we could have a family and he was still doing what he has always done, talking to other girls and not giving a care about his family. I even asked him was it worth losing his family and his answer was YES.
He says he will be there for his child on her sick and bad days, exactly how he said it. I asked how? That is impossible to do when you have move on. I will be there for everything. I can not name a time my dad was there for me when I was sick. Hey I guess he is super dad and can do all of this right?
I will admit I had fallen out of love with McKenzie's dad, but like I said I started thinking about her and not me. I wanted a family for her not me. I asked him what will you tell her when she asks you why did you leave? He didn't reply back.
It's hurting to be pregnant and alone and the one guy who you thought would be there for you decides that the grass is greener on the other side. I try to put myself in a man's shoes and I just can't see myself leaving the mother of my child for anyone. I would not even be interested in anyone else. I would marry her not because of my child but because I love her and I want to be there by her side. I look at all the women who have the guys by their side and I say you are truly blessed. Especially if he is doing right by you and the children you are truly blessed.
My babygirl knows when mommy is sad she has been kicking so much lately. Especially when I start crying. I try to be tough and strong but it is hard. It seems like everything came crashing down on me at once. I truly thought this man loved me and that he was going to be there for me and we would eventually move into our own place and get married. So much for thinking huh?
Until next time stay strong single mommies and pray my strength in the lord. God Bless
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EspCzgXH0o0
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